Today is the day, but not the date.

Two years ago, today. The day that I woke up and my daughter did not. Today is the day, the day before Thanksgiving {one of my favorite holiday’s – the day we give thanks}. And even though Lulu’s heaven birthdate is not until Saturday, today is the day that the loss has hit me.

Hard.

Sometimes, it feels like two separate days that we lost her.

I received this email today and wanted to share it. It is the words I feel, but cannot put into words. Thank you, Cindy.

Hi Cami,    As I watched you and Janie go forward for prayer Sunday night, I remembered that you have an anniversary date coming up. Again, when I saw you at the preschool Thanksgiving dinner, I recognized the look on your face as my own… the one when you’re trying so hard to be a part of what’s going on around you, but you can’t break through that invisible wall that separates you from everyone else.

I know the feeling of wondering how the earth can still be spinning–how can the sun keep coming up and going down. Our worlds have been rocked so violently, and yet others continue to go through life, as if nothing has happened. Don’t they know? Can’t they tell that something has been shattered? And the aftershocks continue rocking our worlds even as we too go through the motions of life. But life can never again be “normal” for us. We have a new normal, and sometimes it just feels so wrong.
Just know that you’re not alone. We are members of a club no one ever wants to join. But I know your grief, even though our circumstances are so different, and I understand. And I am praying for you today.    Love, Cindy

There’s not a day or date that goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you, Lulu.

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8 thoughts on “Today is the day, but not the date.

  1. thank you, Cindy for loving my daughter; thank you, Cami for showing a picture of our baby girl that I have not seen before. It is achingly beautiful.

    I miss holding her entire head in the palm of my hand and kissing her tiny nose.

    Even in this time of joyful thanks, I am praying with sweet sadness.

    I love you,
    mom

  2. Cami, you’re a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I held my babies tighter today and thought of you. My heart sometimes aches for you, but other times I celebrate for you as I know you will one day be able to do forever….with ALL of your babies…again as a family of 6. I think of you. I pray for you. I am inspired by you. Love to all of you. X0.

  3. Dearest Cami..I will never forget..how can one forget..when a piece of my heart has been filled with your family since you were 3!! The past 2 years is almost a blur to me..I am sure in a way you can relate..tho like one has said you have had to “go thru the motions” I have said for the last 13 years a person can SOMEHOW make it thru a horrible loss as long as they have family that supports and loves them thru it..and you dear one are blessed beyond words..Family..Family..yep YOU are surely blessed..praying..kelli

  4. Today the 24th..Thinking of you with prayer today cami and Jason..Just saw a clip on a YOUNG woman who has traveled down the road of a blood cancer(for 2 years now) and she said all of us have gone or will go thru a LIFE INTERRUPTION..it is her thoughts of instead of focusing on the source of “interruption” she focuses on ways to change herself for the good and develope character..tho she did not mention God she said one thing she has done is create a blog so others could walk with her down this difficult journey..at the age of 22(now 24)..of course I thought of you cami..how blogging your journey has I am sure been a source of strength and has helped build your character..changed you in ways only you and God could ever really know!! Love to you and your family..Thank you Lord for Your healing hand that will forever be on this family..kelli

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