yesterday and today

yesterday

my name was written in suffering font

yesterday

i chose myself over Him

yesterday

sorrow was my shadow

yesterday

grief clung like the last leaf of fall

Unknown

today

i want to stay here in His presence

here in His grace

with Him always

today

His grace is reaching out for me

today

my home is no longer here

today

His blood pours out to cover it all

Advertisements

Today

The scab is torn off once again from a cut that has actually never had the chance to heal.

And maybe it won’t completely heal.

Here.

securedownload

Heaven feels close today. I want it that way. That way, my focus, is where it needs to be.

Everything has a purpose. A reason.

Even the pain?

Even the pain.

It all is tangled together.

We all came from The Creator who embodies it all. Shouldn’t then everything be mixed within us?

The joy. The hurt. The smiles. The memories. The tears.

Luv = Hope

My cousin sent this story to me about a little baby boy named Zion. A beautiful little baby boy with T18. I cried through the entire read.

My favorite part was about the parent’s holding onto hope.

For me before Lulu – hope was a dreamy word that spoke of an unknown world for me.

Kind of a “keep-my-fingers-crossed-I-hope”.

B

Since the honor of being Lulu’s mama, hope has become more of a reality than what I know this “earth home” to be.

It’s an “I-know-that-I-know-that-I-know-hope”.

Our hope of Heaven is close. Closer than we think. 

And more real than this messy world can show us.

Luv = Hope

Books

My friend, Angie, asked me the other day about the book called ‘Heaven is For Real’. Have you read it? SO good. I luv getting glimpses of heaven from other people. Some season’s I read a lot. Simon asked me the other day about 2 different books I am reading, ‘are you reading BOTH of these at the SAME time?’

My go-to devotional…

‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young

It points you to the Savior’s heart and leads you to His word everyday.

jc

And then other season’s I don’t read much at all because I need to apply these things. I am not in a hurry to finish books. {Good thing.} It may take me months to finish a short book.

Just starting this one. ‘Humility’ by CJ Mahaney

hum

This one, ‘Hope for the Weary Mom’ by Stacey Thacker & Brooke McGlothlin, is so much more than just being a tired mama. It covers so many different areas of weariness. They have a blog that has been a great connecting point for me. We, mama’s, are all at different stages with different situations, but we all have 1 King who WILL meet us right where we are {in our mess}.

hwm

What book{s} are feeding your soul right now?

Happy Heaven Birthday

What has kept me grounded for two years…

November 24

‘Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks in everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: you give Me thanks {regardless of your feelings}, and I give you joy {regardless of your circumstances}. This is a spiritual act of obedience – at times, blind obedience. To people who don’t know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to My presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is this light of My presence that removes the sting from adversity.’ – Sarah Young ‘Jesus Calling’

We are so very thankful for you, baby girl.

Today is the day, but not the date.

Two years ago, today. The day that I woke up and my daughter did not. Today is the day, the day before Thanksgiving {one of my favorite holiday’s – the day we give thanks}. And even though Lulu’s heaven birthdate is not until Saturday, today is the day that the loss has hit me.

Hard.

Sometimes, it feels like two separate days that we lost her.

I received this email today and wanted to share it. It is the words I feel, but cannot put into words. Thank you, Cindy.

Hi Cami,    As I watched you and Janie go forward for prayer Sunday night, I remembered that you have an anniversary date coming up. Again, when I saw you at the preschool Thanksgiving dinner, I recognized the look on your face as my own… the one when you’re trying so hard to be a part of what’s going on around you, but you can’t break through that invisible wall that separates you from everyone else.

I know the feeling of wondering how the earth can still be spinning–how can the sun keep coming up and going down. Our worlds have been rocked so violently, and yet others continue to go through life, as if nothing has happened. Don’t they know? Can’t they tell that something has been shattered? And the aftershocks continue rocking our worlds even as we too go through the motions of life. But life can never again be “normal” for us. We have a new normal, and sometimes it just feels so wrong.
Just know that you’re not alone. We are members of a club no one ever wants to join. But I know your grief, even though our circumstances are so different, and I understand. And I am praying for you today.    Love, Cindy

There’s not a day or date that goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you, Lulu.