Dear Lulu,

I woke up at 2:00 this morning and could hardly breathe as I thought about you.

I wonder who you look like on your 4th birthday.

I wonder if your eyes match the stars in the night.

I wonder if your hair is still dark and gently lays across your forehead.

I wonder who is holding you close.

I think about your brothers and sister, as they run and play. I see you beside them.

Chasing the chickens, throwing September’s tennis ball, riding in the golf cart.

If I could have one more squeeze – I would take it in a second.

If I could kiss your sweet little nose – I wouldn’t hesitate.

It has been more difficult, this birthday.

My heart is still raw.

Time is not doing his job very well.

But…

I know my tears are captured in the hand of The One who made this ‘your’ day.

There is hope in front of me.

So, we WILL celebrate you today, Lulu Grace.

With so much pink…

Balloons – the big ones.

Strawberry cheesecake.

And bubbles being blown all over this little city farm.

We will embrace it all.

The brokenness that still plays its part.

The beauty that somehow outshines it all.

And we will hold you closer still.

Happy 4th Birthday, baby girl.

Luvu, mama

Merry Christmas

“And the first time that You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior

And the first breath that left Your lips did You know that it would change this world forever

And I celebrate the day that You were born to die

So I could one day pray for You to save my life”

{Relient K ‘I Celebrate The Day’}

Lulu’s Heaven Birthday

{source}

Even Today Was Created By God

Even If It Is A Difficult Day

Even If It Is A Peaceful Day

Even If It Is Both

This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made Let Us Rejoice And Be Glad In It.

Psalm 118:24

O’s Big Day

It’s all about O today…

Celebrating him as he turns 10!

A story to share a little of his sense of humor {it’s the best!}

Last night, he was working on his homework for language arts. Each week he has to define a particular word, give a synonym, an antonym and write a sentence using the word.

The word this week is ‘obnoxious’.

He looked up the definition and the synonym. Then I asked him what we thought an antonym would be and he gave me the same look in that first picture above and without hesitation said, “me!”

{O, you do my heart good like a medicine.}

So, in case your every needing the antonym for obnoxious, that would be Owen.

I admire you, already for your laid back attitude about most things.

You make me laugh in the middle of me being upset with you, a gift you got from your daddy.

You make this crazy world brighter and we are so-so blessed to have you OO.

Luvu 10X10X10X10X10X10X10.

A Few More Moments of Celebration

We spent Monday night at the soccer fields. When we got home Boo set the table for our party of bubbles and strawberry swirled cheesecake…

Our birthday-buffet was overflowing with luv from you all…

Thank you!

{See what GREAT love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. 1 John 3:1}

We’re still soaking it all in.

And then last night we had our family pictures taken.

Here’s a sneak peek…

I’ll share more photos later and where you can find this sweet photographer.

I can’t wait to show you the one of us with Lulu’s tree. ❤

Happy 3rd Birthday

Today we are celebrating you, Lulu.

We bought a tree for you and trees for your brothers and sister. We had a beautiful day yesterday and planted your pink weeping cherry tree. Today we will plant the rest and over the years we will watch them as they grow and think about how you are growing in heaven. I can only imagine you would be right in there planting with us. Garden gloves, dirty knees and a big smile.

You certainly fit in with us.

Our strawberry pie is waiting in the refrigerator for after dinner…

and the bubbles will come out tonight.

We’ve got our family pictures scheduled for later this week.

Wow, you keep us busy, just like your big siblings.

I’m glad.

And although time keeps moving forward, we stop where we are and thank God for you.

Happy birthday baby girl.

Luvu.

12 years old

It has been quiet on here as of lately. Christmas {and more so} Christmas break has a way of doing that.

But today is not a day for me to be quiet.

Today our oldest turned 12!

You have rocked our world since day 1.

luvu so much, D.

Happy Heaven Birthday

What has kept me grounded for two years…

November 24

‘Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks in everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: you give Me thanks {regardless of your feelings}, and I give you joy {regardless of your circumstances}. This is a spiritual act of obedience – at times, blind obedience. To people who don’t know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to My presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is this light of My presence that removes the sting from adversity.’ – Sarah Young ‘Jesus Calling’

We are so very thankful for you, baby girl.

Today is the day, but not the date.

Two years ago, today. The day that I woke up and my daughter did not. Today is the day, the day before Thanksgiving {one of my favorite holiday’s – the day we give thanks}. And even though Lulu’s heaven birthdate is not until Saturday, today is the day that the loss has hit me.

Hard.

Sometimes, it feels like two separate days that we lost her.

I received this email today and wanted to share it. It is the words I feel, but cannot put into words. Thank you, Cindy.

Hi Cami, As I watched you and Janie go forward for prayer Sunday night, I remembered that you have an anniversary date coming up. Again, when I saw you at the preschool Thanksgiving dinner, I recognized the look on your face as my own… the one when you’re trying so hard to be a part of what’s going on around you, but you can’t break through that invisible wall that separates you from everyone else.

I know the feeling of wondering how the earth can still be spinning–how can the sun keep coming up and going down. Our worlds have been rocked so violently, and yet others continue to go through life, as if nothing has happened. Don’t they know? Can’t they tell that something has been shattered? And the aftershocks continue rocking our worlds even as we too go through the motions of life. But life can never again be “normal” for us. We have a new normal, and sometimes it just feels so wrong.

Just know that you’re not alone. We are members of a club no one ever wants to join. But I know your grief, even though our circumstances are so different, and I understand. And I am praying for you today. Love, Cindy