yesterday and today


my name was written in suffering font


i chose myself over Him


sorrow was my shadow


grief clung like the last leaf of fall



i want to stay here in His presence

here in His grace

with Him always


His grace is reaching out for me


my home is no longer here


His blood pours out to cover it all


Heaven Birthday…


This is the day, four years ago, she met Him – our Creator who fearfully & wonderfully made her.

This is the day, four years ago, she met Him – our Savior who formed her – who set her apart.

This is the day that He has made.

I will rejoice and be glad in today.

Pink Today

You know how Christmas comes and does its whole big thing and then after…it’s just done?

I feel that way today.

Woke up and noticed the pink balloons that were floating on the ceiling yesterday are on the floor.

The 2 slices of cheesecake that are left are not quite as pretty as they were yesterday, sitting atop the cake-stand in all its grandeur.

The friends are gone.

The bubbles are done hovering.

And the house is quiet.

Too quiet.

But as I sit here with my (much needed) cup of coffee, I notice a happy accident.

A pink coffee cup.

photo 1-2

My pink socks.

photo 2-2

I’m even wearing a pink sweater.

It’s not over yet – there is still pink for today.

Dear Lulu,

photo 1

I woke up at 2:00 this morning and could hardly breathe as I thought about you.

I wonder who you look like on your 4th birthday.

I wonder if your eyes match the stars in the night.

I wonder if your hair is still dark and gently lays across your forehead.

I wonder who is holding you close.

I think about your brothers and sister, as they run and play. I see you beside them.

Chasing the chickens, throwing September’s tennis ball, riding in the golf cart.

photo 2

If I could have one more squeeze – I would take it in a second.

If I could kiss your sweet little nose – I wouldn’t hesitate.

It has been more difficult, this birthday.

My heart is still raw.

Time is not doing his job very well.


I know my tears are captured in the hand of The One who made this ‘your’ day.

There is hope in front of me.

So, we WILL celebrate you today, Lulu Grace.

With so much pink…

Balloons – the big ones.

Strawberry cheesecake.

And bubbles being blown all over this little city farm.


We will embrace it all.

The brokenness that still plays its part.

The beauty that somehow outshines it all.

And we will hold you closer still.

Happy 4th Birthday, baby girl.

Luvu, mama


The scab is torn off once again from a cut that has actually never had the chance to heal.

And maybe it won’t completely heal.



Heaven feels close today. I want it that way. That way, my focus, is where it needs to be.

Everything has a purpose. A reason.

Even the pain?

Even the pain.

It all is tangled together.

We all came from The Creator who embodies it all. Shouldn’t then everything be mixed within us?

The joy. The hurt. The smiles. The memories. The tears.

Luv = Hope

My cousin sent this story to me about a little baby boy named Zion. A beautiful little baby boy with T18. I cried through the entire read.

My favorite part was about the parent’s holding onto hope.

For me before Lulu – hope was a dreamy word that spoke of an unknown world for me.

Kind of a “keep-my-fingers-crossed-I-hope”.


Since the honor of being Lulu’s mama, hope has become more of a reality than what I know this “earth home” to be.

It’s an “I-know-that-I-know-that-I-know-hope”.

Our hope of Heaven is close. Closer than we think. 

And more real than this messy world can show us.

Luv = Hope

O’s Big Day

It’s all about O today…


Celebrating him as he turns 10!

A story to share a little of his sense of humor {it’s the best!}

Last night, he was working on his homework for language arts. Each week he has to define a particular word, give a synonym, an antonym and write a sentence using the word.

The word this week is ‘obnoxious’.

He looked up the definition and the synonym. Then I asked him what we thought an antonym would be and he gave me the same look in that first picture above and without hesitation said, “me!”

{O, you do my heart good like a medicine.}

So, in case your every needing the antonym for obnoxious, that would be Owen.


I admire you, already for your laid back attitude about most things.

You make me laugh in the middle of me being upset with you, a gift you got from your daddy.

You make this crazy world brighter and we are so-so blessed to have you OO.

Luvu 10X10X10X10X10X10X10.

One October

One October we had all 5 kiddos at home

One October was the only month out of the year that happened

One October felt like Thanksgiving every day

One October we did soccer, homework and little of anything else

One October we stopped to smell the roses

One October time stood still

One October