Category: lulu

Dear Lulu,

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I woke up at 2:00 this morning and could hardly breathe as I thought about you.

I wonder who you look like on your 4th birthday.

I wonder if your eyes match the stars in the night.

I wonder if your hair is still dark and gently lays across your forehead.

I wonder who is holding you close.

I think about your brothers and sister, as they run and play. I see you beside them.

Chasing the chickens, throwing September’s tennis ball, riding in the golf cart.

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If I could have one more squeeze – I would take it in a second.

If I could kiss your sweet little nose – I wouldn’t hesitate.

It has been more difficult, this birthday.

My heart is still raw.

Time is not doing his job very well.

But…

I know my tears are captured in the hand of The One who made this ‘your’ day.

There is hope in front of me.

So, we WILL celebrate you today, Lulu Grace.

With so much pink…

Balloons – the big ones.

Strawberry cheesecake.

And bubbles being blown all over this little city farm.

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We will embrace it all.

The brokenness that still plays its part.

The beauty that somehow outshines it all.

And we will hold you closer still.

Happy 4th Birthday, baby girl.

Luvu, mama

Luv = Hope

My cousin sent this story to me about a little baby boy named Zion. A beautiful little baby boy with T18. I cried through the entire read.

My favorite part was about the parent’s holding onto hope.

For me before Lulu – hope was a dreamy word that spoke of an unknown world for me.

Kind of a “keep-my-fingers-crossed-I-hope”.

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Since the honor of being Lulu’s mama, hope has become more of a reality than what I know this “earth home” to be.

It’s an “I-know-that-I-know-that-I-know-hope”.

Our hope of Heaven is close. Closer than we think. 

And more real than this messy world can show us.

Luv = Hope

A Few More Moments of Celebration

We spent Monday night at the soccer fields. When we got home Boo set the table for our party of bubbles and strawberry swirled cheesecake…

table

bubbles

cheesecake

Our birthday-buffet was overflowing with luv from you all…

gifts

Thank you!

{See what GREAT love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. 1 John 3:1}

We’re still soaking it all in.

And then last night we had our family pictures taken.

Here’s a sneak peek…

family

I’ll share more photos later and where you can find this sweet photographer.

I can’t wait to show you the one of us with Lulu’s tree. ❤

Happy 3rd Birthday

Today we are celebrating you, Lulu.

We bought a tree for you and trees for your brothers and sister. We had a beautiful day yesterday and planted your pink weeping cherry tree. Today we will plant the rest and over the years we will watch them as they grow and think about how you are growing in heaven. I can only imagine you would be right in there planting with us. Garden gloves, dirty knees and a big smile.

You certainly fit in with us.

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tree2

trees

Our strawberry pie is waiting in the refrigerator for after dinner…

and the bubbles will come out tonight.

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We’ve got our family pictures scheduled for later this week.

Wow, you keep us busy, just like your big siblings.

I’m glad.

And although time keeps moving forward, we stop where we are and thank God for you.

Happy birthday baby girl.

Luvu.

Back Camera

Our Week

A few weeks ago, I worked at the school’s book fair. I picked out a book for each of the kids for Valentine’s Day. While I was there I found 2 books with a girl named Lulu in them. I bought them for her.

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Our staircase lined with sweet valentine’s from Aunt Sarah.

Breakfast of champs: french toast sticks, whipped cream and raspberries.

Lulu’s 2nd book.

Giving some luv to September.

The boys eating their healthy breakfast.

Enjoy your weekend and the ones you luv.

Happy Heaven Birthday

What has kept me grounded for two years…

November 24

‘Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks in everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: you give Me thanks {regardless of your feelings}, and I give you joy {regardless of your circumstances}. This is a spiritual act of obedience – at times, blind obedience. To people who don’t know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to My presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is this light of My presence that removes the sting from adversity.’ – Sarah Young ‘Jesus Calling’

We are so very thankful for you, baby girl.

Today is the day, but not the date.

Two years ago, today. The day that I woke up and my daughter did not. Today is the day, the day before Thanksgiving {one of my favorite holiday’s – the day we give thanks}. And even though Lulu’s heaven birthdate is not until Saturday, today is the day that the loss has hit me.

Hard.

Sometimes, it feels like two separate days that we lost her.

I received this email today and wanted to share it. It is the words I feel, but cannot put into words. Thank you, Cindy.

Hi Cami,    As I watched you and Janie go forward for prayer Sunday night, I remembered that you have an anniversary date coming up. Again, when I saw you at the preschool Thanksgiving dinner, I recognized the look on your face as my own… the one when you’re trying so hard to be a part of what’s going on around you, but you can’t break through that invisible wall that separates you from everyone else.

I know the feeling of wondering how the earth can still be spinning–how can the sun keep coming up and going down. Our worlds have been rocked so violently, and yet others continue to go through life, as if nothing has happened. Don’t they know? Can’t they tell that something has been shattered? And the aftershocks continue rocking our worlds even as we too go through the motions of life. But life can never again be “normal” for us. We have a new normal, and sometimes it just feels so wrong.
Just know that you’re not alone. We are members of a club no one ever wants to join. But I know your grief, even though our circumstances are so different, and I understand. And I am praying for you today.    Love, Cindy

There’s not a day or date that goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you, Lulu.