I am praying for Greg & Emily, today.
May His peace overwhelm your aching souls like only He can.
“The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Tonight we started packing for a trip & I was looking for a bag to use…
I knew the perfect bag would be the diaper bag I got for Lulu.
I hadn’t unpacked her stuff from it…
her extra pink clothes
her tiny diapers
It was really hard to take her stuff out and put my stuff in, Jason had to help me.
I want to use the bag, so I can think of her, but I don’t want to use the bag.
Does that even make sense?
I know it’s stuff but it’s HER stuff.
I wanted to share my devotion this morning. It comes from “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.
“Rest with me awhile. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.
I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.”
That is all I want to do today is to TRUST in Him, so that His healing PEACE can flow out over me. This is my journey with Him. Grief can be a selfish place, because grief is so personal to each individual. And sometimes I have to focus on my own grief & what it looks like to me, because it doesn’t look the same to anyone else, not my husband, not other mothers that I have met who have their babies in heaven with Lulu, not my family, not my friends. It is the same as my personal relationship with Jesus. It is my journey with Him. What is He teaching me? What changes are being done in me? Who is the person He wants me to become? No one else can answer that, not my husband, not my family, not my friends.
So even though it is completely personal, it is something that I can share. And I want to share it, to let people know that in our deepest grief (whatever that may be to each individual) our deepest relationship (with Jesus) can continue to flourish.
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Genesis 28:15
I woke up this morning and felt such a peace – a peace that can only be given to me by my God and I know that peace poured out over me, because of you. Not only have you sent such encouragement to me in your emails, your texts, and your phone calls, but I know your prayers are covering our family like a blanket.
Thank you for your continued support in this weary time.
Have you ever seen this type of picture, where you can see different faces of emotion? My friend, Susan, another mother I met back in February in Nashville, talked this week about the emotions of grief and this photo is what kept coming to my mind. She said, “I have been thinking a lot about how strange grief is. You just can’t figure it out. How two polar opposite emotions can co-exist at the same time. Before our losses these emotions only existed in isolation. The way they are supposed to be experienced. Now they are all mixed together. No wonder grief is so confusing.”
I read & re-read her sentences this past week & know them to be so true. I have experienced my emotions, for example “sad” & “happy”, to be entwined like spaghetti noodles & it makes me wonder, do we carry these emotions around inside us all the time? I know I have had days before Lulu that I would be sad at one moment, but happy a few moments later, but I am talking about when I feel the sadness in my heart, but right next to it (at the exact moment) there is joy. It must be like a rainbow…the dark grey rain pouring down from the clouds & yet for there to be a rainbow you must have the bright yellow sun shining also, at the exact moment. Sometimes to think about it all is too much. A lot of days it is better to just feel the emotions that come, whether they be rain or sun or a rainbow.