Author: lulusgrace

This is a blog to share

“I miss her all the time”

Owen said, as he snuggled down in our sheets trying not to hear the thunder that was crashing outside our window. It was 10:30 pm and all the other kiddos were dreaming away in their beds. I had been reading a blog of a young family who just had their 3rd baby, a little girl named Nora Rose.  She, too has Trisomy 18. Our friend, John had sent me the link and as I looked at the photos of this 2 week old beautiful baby, I could see Lulu’s face. I don’t know this family, but as I look at her mama in the photos, I cry tears of joy for her baby girl she is holding and I cry tears of grief for my baby girl that I wish I could hold for just a little longer. And then I look at Owen, tears running down his cheeks, missing his sister still and that’s when he said, “I miss her all the time”.

It’s a journey that never ends.

 It changes.

The paths are different now. They pull from us in a way that we are still not familiar with, we are not used to. They make us think more – work more – carry more.

And then someone says, “I miss her”

“I think about her so often”

“When I see bubbles, I think of Lulu”

“I will be forever grateful to have held your baby”

To know that our daughter is loved so much. That she is still a part of so many lives. I can barely whisper, thank you.

Thank you, for sharing your thoughts of her.

Thank you for letting us still cry.

Thank you for asking us how we are and letting us honestly answer.

Joy Dare

{still a little behind in writing down my joys, but thanking Him nonetheless}

234. watching D play soccer

235. coloring pages of bible stories with the kiddos

236. watching an amazing drama put on by our youth group at church yesterday

237. we bought a ‘new’ house!

238. having a buyer for our ‘old’ home

239. knowing God is in the details

Joy Dare

‘A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of Him and those that followed shouted, ‘Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest heaven’  Matthew 21:8-9

Can you imagine what it must have been like as Jesus came into Jerusalem? To be a part of the crowd that laid blankets and palm branches down. To be the ones shouting ‘Hosanna – save now’ to Him. To see His kind, smiling face.

I wonder what it was like for Him. Riding into town, knowing this was the week that He would die. Our pastor said that He likes to imagine Jesus smiling as He came into town on the donkey. I had never really thought about it that way before. But I do imagine that He was joyful. Joyful but with knowledge. Smiling but maybe his stomach churning. I want to know Jesus in this way. This way that He is not a man from a long time ago that we call Savior. But a man who might have been scared, but because He loves me {and you} so much, he chose us. A man who knew the end of the story before it even began and still chose us. A man that could see every mistake I make, every lie I tell, every sin I commit and STILL chose me!

I know I will never fully be able to completely express my gratitude to Him.

But every day, I WILL say ‘thank you’ because of who He is.

Joy Dare

It’s been a while since I’ve listed some gratitude and it is something I need to do.

We’ve had some sickness, some selfishness, some loneliness.

And it’s easy to take those things and look inward and hold onto them and let them be the eyes that I look through.

There have been some challenging days.

But today,

Today I choose to look at all the good {and there is so much to see} to look at His grace {and I am thankful He continues to cover me in it, especially when I don’t deserve it} to look at His peace {and allow myself to wallow in THAT – not my self-pity} to look at the hope {and let it lead the way}…

Today I am thankful for:

– coffee with cinnamon creamer

– the chirping birds

– my son’s temp finally broke

– coffee with cinnamon creamer

– broken cat-tails all over the back yard by some curious little boys

– memories of our sweet Lulu

– mother/son dance with this handsome fella

– coffee with cinnamon creamer

– sweet messages from friends

– Psalm 91:14 ‘Because Cami loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call upon me, and I will answer her.’

{When our pastor’s wife spoke last weekend at our women’s retreat, she told us about placing our name – or the name of who we are praying for – in the actual scripture. I like how personal it makes it}

– exciting house news {I’ll keep you posted}

– another day closer to our forever home.

How about you, what are you thanking God for today?

Encouragement

Sometimes when people send encouragement, it is a time that I desperately need it.

Other times when I receive it, I may already be having a good day. But I like to tuck those important words deep in my soul. I may need them for a later date.

Yesterday morning, I got a text from a sweet friend, I don’t see often enough, just letting me know I was in her prayers that day. At lunch another friend called to see how I was doing, she had just been thinking of me. And later that afternoon I got a text from my cousin who said I had been on his mind.

I probably hang on to cards & texts & emails a little too long.  But there are days I go back to read them again.

Did you ever have to do the ‘3-put-up rule’ when you were younger?  I remember if we said something mean, we had to say 3 nice things about that person. {Talk about rough punishment}  This is kinda the grown-up version – you don’t have to say anything mean to follow it up with something nice…

Start with nice.

If you are thinking of someone today, send them a little hello.

Tell them your day is better because you know them.

Go ahead and give them your beautiful smile {or even a kiss}.

Make someone’s day before they make yours.

‘therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing’ I Thessalonians 5:11

{SWAK}

Lice & The Little Girl

Our week started off a bit ‘different’ than normal. Monday at 1:30 the phone rang and the nurse from Woodland said, ‘Cami, we have had a large number of students from Simon’s class that have head lice. Although I can’t find anything on him, he says his head has been itching.’ {instant stomach ache}. She said that they checked Owen & Dylan, too & that they were both good. But said that maybe I should come get Simon & get the shampoo to wash his hair, just to be safe. I got to Woodland and walked in looking at the students sitting in the hallway to have their heads checked. Simon smiled and we waited our turn for the nurse to take us in her office & show me what I should be looking for. {this is the 1st time, we’ve had a call about lice}. I told her I didn’t even know where to buy the shampoo. We walked back out of the nurse’s office & I walked over to sign Simon out for the afternoon. A little girl from his class, waiting her turn to have her head checked, ran over to hug him good-bye. I looked down and noticed this little girl was wearing a tank top {in the beginning of March} to school, no sweater over top, she had dirt on her face, and her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed {let alone washed} in days. As she reached to hug Simon, I instantly wanted to say ‘don’t touch him’, but somehow I didn’t. She smiled at me as she waved good-bye to us both. I walked out feeling physically dirty and I also felt mean for thinking such thoughts.

Simon & I went to Walgreens to look for lice shampoo. We couldn’t find it, as we walked up & down the hair aisle. We then went to the medicine area to look. Then we went BACK to the hair aisle, starting our search again. There was a lady working there who looked up and said, ‘can I help you find something?’ I hung my embarrassed head and said in a whisper ‘do you have any lice shampoo?’ She came over and said, ‘yes, right this way.’ She kindly said to me,  ‘don’t worry, you are not the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last. my kids went through this when they were in school’. I found the stuff we needed. As Simon and I walked to the front to check out, I was so hoping it would be the same lady that helped me find the shampoo, but no. It was another completely different one. Which meant someone else would know that I WAS BUYING LICE SHAMPOO. {oh how my pride was trying to be in control that day}.

As we walked outside I thought of the little girl, again. How sweet she was.

We headed home to shave Simon’s head, sweep the entire house, wash Simon’s wardrobe, spray the entire house, and give him a smelly shampoo. {yes, I was THAT paranoid}. I checked Boo’s head. We checked Simon, again. The other boys arrived home from school, I checked their heads. We had dinner. I checked heads. Homework was done. I checked heads. They all took baths. I checked heads.

And then I thought of the little girl, again. Was she at a home where someone was checking her head? Feeding her dinner?

{Simon sporting his new hair-buzz – he was SO bummed Tuesday morning when I told him I was going to take him to school, so that the nurse could check his hair before he went back to class. He wanted to ride the bus, so he could show his bus driver that he got his haircut ‘because he has lice’ – his words. Oh Simon, you will keep me humble.}

As I thought about Monday’s events, I’m so glad I held my tongue to the little girl. I’m so glad I didn’t put my thoughts of ‘her being dirty’ on Simon. I’m so glad his heart {and the little girl’s heart} are still tender and caring. We went over the ‘not wearing other people’s coats, hats, etc’. Afterall, Simon is still in kindergarten, I have to remind him to wash his hands after he uses the restroom. I will teach him those things in life, but he can teach me that hugging a little girl, who doesn’t look as clean as I’d prefer, is most definitely not the end of the world. It is his way of reaching out to the world and loving them right where they are.

Have I told you, how much I can learn from my kiddos?

I’m SO thankful God gave them to me to learn from, not just for me to teach.

Hearts

I’ve been thinking about hearts lately.

Lulu’s heart had 3 holes in it.

My heart still skips a beat when I see this guy.

 

My heart is full because of these kiddos.

And then I’ve been listening to a BEAUTIFUL song called ‘Alive’ by Natalie Grant.

It has some amazing words through-out the entire song. But these 2 lines have been sinking deep into my heart.

1st this line…

‘What kind of king would choose to wear a crown that bleeds and scars, to win my heart?’

I will never understand, while I am still here on earth, how deep His love is for me {and you}.

and this line…

‘What other heart would let itself be broken every time ’til He healed mine?’

I am in awe, yet again, to know that when we are broken, His heart breaks.

Until we are healed.

I know that His heart is for us.

❤